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About Deviant Core Member sanitranceUnknown Group :iconsonic-club: sonic-club
:: Sonic Fans United
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Deviant for 5 Years
7 Month Core Membership
Statistics 56 Deviations 1,847 Comments 45,238 Pageviews

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:star: REQUESTS :star:

1. :iconaanzhen: = OC Proxin the Iguana
2. :iconkiba-sniper: = StormxWave artwork
3. :iconshub-yoggoth: = OC Nightmaren Shubby V2
4. :iconastaaura: = Agent Laine, Agent Zion, and GEX
5. :iconchuckingsquid: = OC Fury the Honey Badger
6. :iconnarugeek456: = OC Jane the Hedgehog
7. :iconsonicjenny: = Super Buu Gohan absorbed
8. :iconhedginaco: = OC Aria the Hedgehog
9. :iconjewellightraye: = Chaos 0 with them
10. :iconthebrianhamilton: = Knuckles in Pumpkin Hill
11. :iconkawaiihimegimi: = Herself with her dog
12. Sonic comics Constable Remington

:star: COMMISSIONS :star:

1. :iconemerl-lad12: = Human Emerl sketch commission
2. Pet horse portrait bust
3. Spiderman full-color art
4. Tattoo commission for a friend
5. Espio the Chameleon
6. Batman full-color art
7. Caliah

:star: GIFT ART :star:

1. :iconthebrianhamilton: = Knuckles, Mighty, and Shadow from STH
2. :icontrippedside: = TRiPPSIDE Tripp Illustration
3. :icontrippedside: = Katsuda characters
4. Prince Vegeta from DBZ
5. Bayformers Bumblebee


sanitrance's Profile Picture
I am an aspiring artist that loves any and all art, music, video games, comics, and cartooning!

Currently focused on fan art at the moment, but I hope to move onto creating original work. Enjoy your visit.

Sani is not very social so apologies in advance for rarely replying or going on a million hiatuses. :iconbangkillplz:

I really love that emoticon ^
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Sat Nov 21, 2015, 10:20 PM
So anyways guys,

What I was going on about - or rather trying to - in the last journal is that I've been thinking about my artwork a LOT. And while I have improved since my beginnings on this site (including my older account that is dead) I kinda have felt like my improvement had slowed since creating THIS account. These past 5 years encountering art block over and over again. Experiencing more anxiety and mental hardships than before. Going periods of not drawing or making people art promises and never delivering, feeling even lower than before for being so irresponsible and feeling like a liar. And just watching much of my initial plans for this place shut down and never come to fruition. Aaaah yes, much disappointment on my part.

I have never really been true to myself when it's come to my art. Never really fully expressed myself in the ways I've always wanted to. And over the years seeing others do it so flawlessy or without hesitations, unlike myself, hit me hard and that's honestly when I began to question my worth and status as an 'artist'. I began to really hate myself and feel fake. And my art began to feel empty and without purpose so... I just didn't want to draw. And I didn't for many times. Like during those times of drawing for others when I'd be fired up and ready to make up for my fallings then half way through just lose all motivation and want to continue, dropping out and going silent again as the emptiness would swarm and flood within me. Never finishing what I started. Never keeping my promises. Disappointing people.

I don't know what it is I want to do with art. Do I want a career? Do I want to make a living off of it? I don't know. Of course I want to make art... but how I don't know.

Wondering if what I currently draw is a waste of time or if I should be working on something else. Feeling like it's about time I find certain things to stick to instead of just drawing whatever. Things like that.

I've always been so scared to show people who I am. Always been so scared to fully express my thoughts or emotions or myself. And I've always hated myself for that. That's why next year I really want to try and do original work and do personal work. To just express myself and not be afraid. Whether the art I make is pretty or ugly or sad - it would be all me and would still be beautiful. Because it's me. I've always been at war with myself about that. And I don't want to be anymore. It's made me unhappy for a lot of my life. Fighting all the time. I'm tired of fighting.  I only have this one life and I shouldn't spend it lying to myself and denying myself from the things I am.

And just knowing that I haven't done the best I could have done in these past 5 years. Being aware of your under performing for so long is the most frustrating thing. Spending a lot of your life criticizing and demeaning yourself in everything you do is not easily a habit broken. But I am working to be kinder to myself. But I've noticed that I have not really pushed myself with art ever in my life. I've always played it safe and drew what I knew people would like instead of venturing into unknown territories. And in terms of execution, I haven't made many risks. Never challenged myself. And I figure that's why I haven't improved much in these last few years. I'm not taking enough risks and not trying to do anything new or out of my comfort zone.

I need to do MORE so I can get better. With art style and execution. With my subject matter. With myself. So I can feel like I deserve to be an artist. And so I can be the me I know I can be.

  • Mood: Artistic
  • Reading: M.C. Escher book
  • Watching: Transformers Prime
  • Playing: Undertale

what do you think is more important for an artist? 

49 deviants said quality over quantity
5 deviants said quantity over quality




Add a Comment:
Rondineviola Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I always loved your Babylon Rogues artworks since ever.
You are great and thanks for being one of those artists who inspired me in all these years.
sanitrance Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2015
oooooh thank you for the kind words! such a nice thing to hear :) I'm happy you enjoy my artwork! I wish you well and have a good day!
Garnet-Frost Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
I just want you to know that your art looks glamorous. I really wish I was good at coloring with markers. :)
sanitrance Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2015
Oh thank you so much for the kind words! I always worry about my marker coloring hahah it's always nice to hear people like my way of coloring
flamethehedgehog2345 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Do you do requests or art trades?
sanitrance Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2015
not right now :S I'm kinda swamped at the moment sorry!
LivelovelifeEleni Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Hi stranger. You are a great person and I hope you makr the most out of life and ThaT life is awesome for You. You matter✌♡stay awesome
sanitrance Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2015
thank you :)
Ixspen Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2015
Thank you for watching me! ^__^
sanitrance Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2015
no problem
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